Part 3
On our last trip, my husband and I listened to Derek Prince’s book on prayer. It talked about surrender. So when I walked into dad’s house, I sat beside him and prayed:
Lord I want this dark spirit of division broken over my family. Lord I want peace in my family for generations to come. Lord you know my prayers that I have prayed for 15+ years. But… I trust you and I will let it go. Not my will but yours Lord. I know your plan is perfect and if this isn’t your will, you are still a good Father and I love you and trust you. Even if Lord. Even if.
As I sat there finishing my prayer, my phone beside me buzzed. It was my sister texting a group chat that she WAS COMING. I sat there stunned. Had to read it again. She and the whole family were coming out to dad’s. She had been praying and waiting for direction. That morning, she got it. She said some of the most powerful words spoken in our family: It wasn’t about who dad is; it was about the kind of person she is. I was so proud of her. YES this was what it is about; who WE are. Not about dad anymore.
My niece & her husband had just left dad’s to take a break since we were there. Her son was at school. It was like a five-alarm fire when we got that text! My sister was coming!! My niece knew her mother and her family were COMING! She quickly went and checked her son out of school and they high-tailed it to dad’s.
I called my brother and said, “She’s coming—so you’d better come on now.” He asked about dad’s condition, and I knew we were in the final days. I broke down crying on the phone. We had grown so close over the years since mom passed. He knew how hard this was on me. So he called his wife, who was able to get a sub for a few hours, and they came.
My other niece, my sister’s second daughter, got there first. Gosh she loved dad and he loved her but like so many other relationships, he screwed that one up too. She has two of his great children but he never knew them. His pride was too great. But he was not the man now he used to be. He was fragile, dying, and powerless.
I will never forget standing at the foot of the bed when my other niece greeted dad. His face, which had been lifeless and barely able to get intelligible words out, lit up. He smiled so big and stretched out his arms to hug her. “Hey Partner!” he said. It was one of the most precious memories I will ever carry in my heart. Not for dad but for her. She needed to confront this and say goodbye and let this go—and she did. I was so proud of her and it took great courage to step in that house.
I watched my oldest niece pull up and I watched her embrace her mom… even now I tear up. Chains were broken in my family that day. No more devil. You cannot have my family anymore.
My great-nephew said, “I never thought I’d see the day where my grandmother and great-grandfather were in the same room.” And I said, “Well now you have. God still works miracles.”
There’s so much more to say, but this wasn’t about dad anymore. It was about us—me, my sister, my brother, and our children & children’s children.
I stood there beside dad’s hospital bed with my sister on one side and my brother on the other. The reality is—I needed and wanted them too. Only they knew him like I did. Everyone else knew a different man. But we knew THIS man. As I held their hands standing there, I had peace.
I loved my dad and never stopped. Even with all the attacks and verbal abuse & whiplash, I loved him. It wasn’t contingent on how he treated me; it was how I felt about him. He wasn’t capable of that level of love, and I realized that as I grew older.
When I think about some of my relationships that were & are hard. Where I loved and wasn’t loved the way I wanted back… gosh isn’t that just like Jesus love for us? He loves us and we don’t love Him the way we should. We don’t do the things we know he’s called us to do and we do the things that hurts him. Yet He loves us anyways. There are consequences for our actions and His love doesn’t negate those consequences but He loves. Through all the pain, heartache, brokenness, He loves and always welcomes me home when I stray.
I also realized the great love my siblings have for me and I for them. Dad always wanted me to choose him over them and I never would. That was the source of many of dad’s eruptions and my being on the “out” over the years.
I watched them walk through fire when they came out to dad’s that day—and they did it. Love bears all. Love endures. Love perseveres. Love always trusts. Love always hopes.
A cord of three strands is not easily broken – Ecclesiastes 4:12. We’re still here. Together.